It seems to me that a lot is demanded of teenagers these days, there is a constant pressure to reach a standard, to perform, and to conform. Whether its school work, sports, fitting in with family rules or keeping up with their friends, your teen is constantly walking a tightrope between what is asked of them and what they feel able to achieve. Continue reading
Sometimes when I’m starting something new, I get a moment (and not always a short moment) of fear. It charges through my body and my thoughts and it can shake me deeply if I let it. But this feeling reminds me that I am growing, changing, and trying something new. The steps I am taking are positive, and the feeling of fear that goes with them is a positive feeling.
I guess what I am trying to say is to change your attitude toward fear. Fear means you’re growing. Every time you stretch yourself, or take a risk, you’re going to experience some anxiety. So fear itself is not the issue. Fear doesn’t make you a coward. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid. Fear only becomes an issue when it paralyzes you and prevents you from doing something you really want to do. Besides, if you’re not afraid at times, it just means that you’re not stepping out of your comfort zone and living large enough.
Accepting that fear is not an automatic signal to retreat, means that it becomes a sign to take action. If the positive feeling of fear connects to growth, why would you
want to avoid it completely? Instead, think of fear as a indication of your personal development and view it as a companion to your exciting life.
Another thing, once you take action, your fear goes away. Staying safely in your comfort zone can leave you with a greater sense of dread because you have never faced your fear, and your fear grows into an unmanageable monster.
Tackle your fear by taking a small risk every day. I don’t mean taking foolish chances, that way you just get an adrenalin rush, but the fear stays with you. But taking a well-thought out risk will make you feel great. And even if it doesn’t work out, at least you’ve made an effort. You are not made powerless by your fear.
Sometimes when I am fearful, I hold my breath for a heartbeat, my body literally stops me from breathing. If I think of this logically my reflex action when faced with something scary is to try to kill me! And its not just me, it’s a common reaction – literature is full of moments where the hero, or heroine “catches his breath” or “holds his breath” or “gasps” when faced with a tense situation.
So what’s going on here? When we are fearful our breathing changes; it becomes rapid and shallow, sometimes we forget to breath for a moment. This reduces the amount of oxygen the body is absorbing, which in turn stops us from functioning effectively. We unconsciously sabotage our physical ability to overcome our fear and move past what is making us fearful.
When I realise I am doing this, I make a conscious effort to breath slowly and deeply. Deep breathing is one of the best and simplest ways of combating fear.
You can practice deep breathing in none stress situations, to help you overcome this physical reaction to fear and stress:
As you inhale through your nose, feel like you’re breathing way down into your stomach. As you inhale, put your hand on your stomach, and feel it expand. You should feel your stomach getting “fat” because you’re lowering your diaphragm.
Make sure to keep your shoulders down as you inhale. Otherwise, you’re actually just breathing shallowly in your upper chest. Inhale for a slow count of five.
As you exhale, feel like you’re sewing your rib cage together or like you’re pulling your navel into your spine. Exhale for a slow count of five also.
To strengthen the effect of deep breathing even further, try a simple visualisation technique at the same time. As you inhale, imagine breathing in positive thoughts and images. As you exhale, expel all the fear from your mind and body. Think:
Inhale gratitude. Exhale worry.
Inhale joy. Exhale anxiety.
Inhale peace. Exhale terror.
Inhale relaxation. Exhale tension.
Inhale confidence. Exhale fear.
For more help and advice on how to deal with the fears holding you back, sign up for our workshop “Face your fears and Grow”.
Becoming an expat is stressful. Beginning a new phase in your life can bring up old fears that you thought you had dealt with years earlier. Naming these fears, and examining the coping mechanisms that worked up until you arrived at this stage of our life are the first steps towards developing effective new behaviors which will increase your self confidence and allow you to fully utilize your potential to enjoy life. Continue reading
Lets both win: in the last post lets trade – we talked about lingering resentment when you concede too much within a negotiating situation. Where does this feeling come from? Basically from the believe that the result is finite, you are negotiating for a “slice of cake” and you feel your opposite number wins a bigger slice than you do. It means you need to defend your position. Continue reading